


So Don't Go Look At Me With That Look In Your Eye

by TheHomestuckWhovian



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Akumatized Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Possessive Behavior, Punching, Rejection, The Ladyblog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-27 13:10:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17767397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHomestuckWhovian/pseuds/TheHomestuckWhovian
Summary: The aftermath of Chat Noir's akumatization.





	So Don't Go Look At Me With That Look In Your Eye

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I mean, I like all the Chat Blanc concepts, but they aren't going to make Adrien's akumatized form a pallet swapped version of Chat Noir, right?  
> Zag: *releases titles and descriptions, one of which being Chat Blanc*  
> Me: ...I can work with this.
> 
> Title from the song FRIENDS, a song nine-year-old me probably wishes she had known about.

Adrien laid on his bed, vacantly staring at the distant ceiling. Both he and Plagg, who was hovering nearby, were worryingly silent, as if neither of them wanted to even think about what happened. Not that it mattered what they wanted, because both couldn't help but think about it.

Finally, Adrien rolled over onto his stomach, pulling his phone out of his pocket and opening up the Ladyblog.

He wanted to know what he did. But...he also didn't. He didn't want to think about what he could have done, who he could have hurt. And yet it was killing him, not being able to know.

He had been mind controlled before, and yet he never got used to that loss of control, of those moments where he would be hit, and then wake up hours later unable to remember anything he had done in that time. And this was worse, because in some way he knew that it wasn't just mind control.

Hawk Moth's akumas worked differently than that.

There was nothing new on the Ladyblog. Nothing about the villain he had been, no video footage of him attacking Paris, nothing. Alya must not have been able to record it, whatever happened.

He was both relieved and more frustrated than he had been before.

"Hey," Plagg spoke, breaking the silence. "Let's just watch Netflix, okay?"

And he wanted to say no, absolutely not, and how could they just ignore that he...

How much had Plagg been aware of? Had he experienced what happened to them? Did he also have a blank in his memory, or was he painfully aware of each moment as Adrien rampaged?

"...Okay," Adrien whispered with a tiny nod.

He wasn't the only one violated by what happened.

* * *

Alya stared at her phone screen, watching the entire scene play out for the fifth time, and yet no matter how much she watched it, she still couldn't comprehend it.

She was the only one with any footage beyond a brief glimpse of Chat Blanc, and she had no idea what to do with it.

Her blog was receiving hundreds of comments, from scared and concerned Parisians who had just watched one of their heroes become akumatized. Some asking for her to explain what happened, others theorizing all sorts of ludicrous options, some even wondering if this was another illusion like on Heroes Day. One thing was for certain though: Everyone was waiting to hear her input.

And she had the answers to all their questions. She had every bit of information they could ever need on Chat Blanc, and then some. She knew everything, from his motivation, to his akumatized object, to every single emotionally charged thing he said.

She knew exactly why he had been akumatized.

And yet...what would happen if she released that information? What would that do but cause outrage, cause more problems than it would solve?

She was both thankful and annoyed that her data plan couldn't handle another livestream this month. On one hand, she hadn't revealed this information to the entire world...but on the other, at least then she wouldn't be plagued by this dilemma. It would have been out of her hands, and she wouldn't be left to wonder about the consequences of either action.

God...what was she supposed to do?

" _Don't_ ," Ladybug's voice rang out from the video. " _We aren't going to talk about this now._ "

" _I...I'm sorry._ "

" _...Just go home, Chat Noir._ "

The video came to an end, and Alya robotically pressed play to start it over again.

What was she going to do?

* * *

If Adrien Agreste had been akumatized, the faculty would be understanding, and he would have an extension on his school work. He could even not show up and the school would okay it.

(Though Adrien would probably never be allowed out of the Agreste mansion again if his father found out he was akumatized.)

As far as anyone knew, however, Adrien had been perfectly fine, so despite feeling sick with anxiety and self loathing, he went to school as he was expected to do.

"You look like garbage," Chloé remarked bluntly when she saw him, Sabrina giving a quiet nod in agreement as she did.

"I feel like garbage," Adrien muttered, and Chloé sighed.

"I know your dad is a dumbass, so just let me know if you need to leave and I'll call Daddy and have him sign you out."

Adrien blinked. "...Is that legal?"

"Even if it isn't, Mr. Damocles would let him," Sabrina pointed out. "Most people here don't realize that the mayor can't just change their funding on a whim, and Chloé threw around the suggestion so much that they are all more scared of him than they need to be."

"Which is absolutely hilarious, because Daddy is the least intimidating man I know," Chloé pointed out.

Adrien nodded in agreement. While Mayor Bourgeois' ethics were...questionable, he was a giant, soft marshmallow of a person with absolutely no spine. Chloé was the real intimidating one out of the Bourgeois family still in Paris.

Before Adrien could thank her for the offer, a hand wrapped around his wrist and began dragging him off.

"Wha-Hey! We were having a conversation!"

"Well I need him for a bit," Alya shouted back, pulling him up the stairs and into the school.

He was too tired to bother resisting as she pulled him into an unused classroom and shoved him into a seat before running put of the room. He looked and realized he had been seated between...Nino and Marinette? What the...jeez, Marinette looked as exhausted as he felt.

"You alright?" Adrien asked her, concerned.

She gave a yawn. "Alya woke me up at five to make sure I got to school early for this." She glanced at him and frowned. "You don't look so hot either."

"Thanks," Adrien joked, and Marinette flushed as she realized what she said 

"Not that you aren't...I mean...you're cute but you look exhausted!"

"Couldn't sleep last night," Adrien explained patting his friend on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I know what you meant."

Marinette slumped in relief, then frowned thoughtfully. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I was just watching the She-Ra reboot last night, and ended up binging the entire series again." While that wasn't why he was tired, it was true. "I've been trying to convince Chloé to watch it with me, but after years of harassing her with the one He-Man meme she refuses."

"Why not just steal Sabrina for a day and watch it with her?" Marinette suggested.

"...Good plan."

"Bro, aren't you even going to say hi?" Nino asked, with a faux affronted tone.

"I have to save my best bro for last," Adrien answered with finger guns, and Marinette snorted as Nino placed both hands over his heart dramatically.

"Bro..."

Alya walked back in suddenly, plopping a computer on the desk and finally turning to address her captive audience to say, "I need your help."

"What's wrong?" Marinette asked, confused and concerned.

Alya steeled herself, before turning and pressing the play button on the video she had pulled up from her files.

" _Hey guys. I know this is going to be posted late, but my parents have been getting onto me about my data usage_ ," Alya's voice spoke from off screen. The video was pointed at the dark ashes where a building used to be. " _Anyway, I'm here at the scene of the akuma's initial attack. No one has spotted the akuma yet, but I'm certain-_ "

" _What do we have here?_ "

Adrien recognized that voice, and with a squawk from Alya the video jostled, before a different colored Chat Noir swiped the phone from her and looked at it with an evil grin.

"Pause!" Nino called, and Alya frowned but complied. "That's...that's it? Chat Noir's akumatized version is just a pallet swap of his normal self? Is Hawk Moth running out of ideas?"

"...I thought you were going to get onto me for getting close to an akuma?"

"Babe, I've given up on that." Nino shook his head. "At this point, Hawk Moth can't even be bothered to do something more interesting? At least Chloé got new hair?"

"I-" Marinette yawned. "-concur. Plus the white makes Chat Noir look like he has a bad spray tan and his eyes look dumb. Not only is the design lazy, but it doesn't even suit Chat Noir. Honestly, only Gabriel Agreste could like that design because it is all just white, no offense Adrien."

"It's...really bad," Adrien agreed with a grimace. "He looks like some weird mix of himself and a Danny Phantom villain. Oh, and none taken."

Alya stared at her friends for a moment, before shaking her head. "Alright, can't argue with that. Moving on."

" _Give that back!_ " Alya shouted from off screen, but Chat Blanc looked unfazed.

" _Hmm...purrty disappointing you aren't livestreaming. I was hoping to have everyone watch. Oh well._ " He tossed the phone to the ground, the video now showing his full suit. " _Feel free to follow, Ladyblogger. All I need is a witness._ "

Marinette scowled at the screen. "Oh shut the fuck up, you stupid cat."

"Damn, that costume is even worse than I thought," Nino muttered. "He literally just inverted the colors and added a black rose? That's it? C'mon Hawk Moth, maybe learn a lesson from when you akumatized me!"

"He also stole Nathaniel's design for Evillustrator," Marinette piped up. "Honestly, Hawk Moth would be a failure of a fashion designer."

"Preach!" Adrien and Nino cheered simultaneously.

"Guys, focus," Alya insisted, just as the Alya in the video appeared on screen and bent over to pick up her phone.

" _That was...that was really him._ " Her voice was shaken. " _Just...that was...I can't believe it. How did...how did he..._ " She took a deep, shuddering breath and forced herself to have a weak smile. " _It'll be fine. It'll all be fine. Ladybug will fix this. Ladybug_ will _fix this._ "

She turned the camera away from herself again. " _Alright. I'm going to follow him._ "

"Before you three say anything," Alya quickly said as Nino and Marinette looked prepared to call her out, "Chat Blanc had already approached me and didn't do more than just briefly steal my phone. I clearly wasn't his target, and he didn't even use me as a hostage to draw Ladybug despite me being the only civilian in the area. I assumed it would be fine."

"That's still an unnecessary risk," Marinette pointed out. "Akuma are unstable. Evillustrator took me on a date and then left me to drown trapped on a sinking boat afterward."

"Okay I get it-"

"And Chat Blanc was a miraculous user," Nino pointed out. "Meaning he was already more of a risk-"

"I get it, okay!" Alya shouted, shutting them up. "Look, I know it was stupid, but I did it anyway. That was not why I asked you guys to watch this with me."

"...Okay," Marinette said with a nod. "Just...you worry me, okay? Please be more careful in the future."

"I'll try." Alya said, just as a flash of red appeared on screen.

" _Oh thank god_ ," video Alya muttered, before calling out, " _Ladybug!_ "

Ladybug didn't respond to the call, or even seem to notice Alya running after her. Adrien knew how determined and focused Ladybug could get with a serious akuma, and guessed that was probably why she didn't appear to be paying attention to Alya.

Most of the video from this point was Alya breathing heavily as she ran in the direction Ladybug was heading, until finally Ladybug stopped and Alya hid in a dark, empty alleyway.

" _She appears to be...waiting for someone_ ," Alya muttered, before suddenly giving a muffled cry.

" _Right as ever, Ladyblogger_ ," Chat Blanc's voice whispered over the video, and Adrien felt his chest tighten. " _Keep the video on us the entire time, understood? Otherwise..._ " After a moment of silence, Chat Blanc continued, " _Good. Now, time for Chat Blanc to greet his Lady_."

"What did he do?" Adrien asked, looking at Alya.

"He..." She hesitated for a second as she paused the video. "He had his hand over my mouth there, to keep me from calling out to Ladybug. And to make sure I listened to him, he...sliced my face. Not serious. Just...four bleeding marks on my cheek from his claws. It was a warning."

Adrien felt ashamed. He had attacked one of his friends to force her to record the fight.

"I'm sorry," Adrien whispered.

"Not like you could do anything about it," Alya answered with a shrug, because she couldn't possibly know that the boy apologizing was the very akuma that hurt her.

She pressed play.

" _Chat Blanc!_ " Ladybug shouted from the middle of the desolate street. " _You wanted me here! Well, I'm here! Show yourself!_ "

There a moment of nothing, before-

" _My lady._ "

And Chat Blanc dropped down in front of her, kneeling with a hand behind his back, and Adrien's mind ran with the possibilities of him using Cataclysm on her and oh god he did want to watch himself attack-

Then Chat Blanc pulled out a bouquet of white roses and his brain screeched to a halt.

"... _What the fuck, Chat Noir?!_ "

" _It's Chat Blanc, bugaboo_ ," the villain said, his voice as suave as he could manage. " _Ladybug, you know I love you. You give my life meaning and joy, and I want to be with you more than anything. So please go out with me._ "

"Pause!" Nino called. "Is...is he serious? Is he actually serious? He just destroyed a residential building and harmed and threatened the life of a civilian, all to ask Ladybug out on a date?!"

Adrien was silent, his mind reeling. He had...he had been rejected by her again before the akuma. And...oh god...

Alya hit play.

"... _No._ " Ladybug looked...annoyed.

" _...Why?!_ " Chat Blanc asked, suddenly angry. " _Is it that...that someone else? God...I'll kill them if they try and take my Ladybug away-_ "

Ladybug punched him in the face.

" _No!_ " Her expression was filled with terrifying wrath as Chat Noir recoiled from her in pain. " _This isn't about me being in love with someone else anymore. This about you not letting it go! This is about you pushing it even after I told you no! This is about you treating me like you have ownership over me!_ "

"Holy shit," Nino whispered.

" _Why is being my friend not good enough for you?!_ " Ladybug shouted. " _Why am I the one who has to apologize for you not letting it go?! Why am I the one always expected to cow to your wants?!_ "

" _Because I need you!_ " Chat Blanc shouted, getting up in her face. " _Because I love you! Because I'm more to you than that other person could ever be!_ "

" _Stop it!_ " She pushed him away. " _I'm sick of this, Chat Noir! I'm sick and tired of this! I am done being sorry for my feelings and I am done coddling your feelings! If you love me, then why can't you respect me when I say no?!_ "

" _Because I don't understand it! What does_ he _have that I don't have?! Why does he get to have you when I can't?! Why does he have the right your heart?!_ "

" _Because I gave him that right!_ " Tears streaming from her face, and her shouting died down. " _Because I love him and that is my right. Because neither of you own me. Because I deserve to have my feelings respected just as much as you do. And it is not my fault you can't give it up, that you keep pushing and pushing and making it all about yourself. It is not my fault that my friendship isn't good enough for you._ "

Chat Blanc was silent, just as silent as Adrien was, watching.

" _So that's just it._ " His voice was cold and emotionless.

Ladybug nodded. " _I'm not going to apologize for it this time. I care about you, Chat Noir, but I can't be what you want me to be."_

Adrien noticed the black rose was gone from Chat Blanc's lapel, but was quickly distracted by Chat Blanc screaming.

" _Fine! But if I can't have you...then no one will!_ Cataclysm!"

There was no commentary from the viewers as Chat Blanc summoned dark energy in his ring hand and lunged, reaching out touch her.

She caught the hand with her palm, and video Alya gasped, whispering a tiny, desperate " _No._ "

But Ladybug just smirked as petals began to spill out of her hand, withering away into dust before they could touch the ground, and releasing a purple-black butterfly.

" _No more evil-doing for you, little akuma._ "

By the time she was done with the process, her back was turned to Chat Noir as the dark energy left him and the wave of ladybugs spread across Paris, returning him to himself again.

" _Wh-what happen...oh no..._ "

Adrien remembered this part, remembered how Ladybug wouldn't even look at him as he said, " _My lady, I'm-_ "

" _Don't. We aren't going to talk about this now._ "

" _I...I'm sorry._ " And Adrien was. Now more than ever, after watching what he had done, what he had nearly done. He was sorry, but he knew there was no real way to fix it. There was no way he could repair all the damage he had done, and not all of it was from when he was akumatized.

" _...Just go home, Chat Noir._ " With that, Ladybug tossed her yoyo out and swung away, leaving him alone in the street.

The Alya in the video took a hesitant, shaking breath before the video ended on a still of him, sitting there and looking lost.

"...Why did you show us this?" Marinette asked, looking shocked.

Alya grimaced. "So you all can understand why I can't release this video on my blog. Not only is this revealing private information, but...it could turn people against the heroes."

"What do you mean?" Nino asked, but it was Marinette who answered, her tone just...quiet. Solemn.

"Some people will blame Ladybug for the akumatization and for not returning Chat Noir's affections. Others might note that Chat Noir was unprofessional about the relationship to the point of akumatization and attempt to call for him to step down. And the fact that this fight is an ongoing problem as shown in the video means that they start doubting Ladybug and Chat Noir as a team too."

Alya nodded seriously. "But the problem is that leaving things unanswered is causing many people to panic and feel unsafe. There were no other people on the scene, so many people are freaking out, wondering if this is another illusion meant to send them into a panic or if they can trust their heroes to continue protecting us. They need answers, they are asking me for answers, but I can't give them this. I need your help to figure out what to do."

Adrien was silent, still processing the video and Marinette's words.

She wasn't wrong, was she? He...he had let his feelings get in the way of their job. He had been the one egging Ladybug on in this conflict.

What had he done?

"Maybe...you could get an interview with them?" Nino suddenly suggested. "Talking to them about what happened so they can assure Paris that they are okay and up to the task of defending the city?"

"That's...a good idea," Alya admitted. "But I don't think having an interview now when the wound is fresh is a good idea. What should I do now?"

"...Make a post on your blog," Marinette offered. "Just tell them that you have noticed their concerns and are doing your best to get whatever information you can share with them. That will give you time to schedule an interview with Ladybug and Chat Noir and it will reassure them that you are on it without giving them private information."

Alya nodded. "Good idea. Adrien?"

He looked up at Alya, scouring his brain for ideas, before noting, "I think those two have it covered."

"I mean, you'll be a better reporter than Nadja Chamack with all the consideration you are putting into this," Nino noted, smiling at her. "I'm proud of you, Alya."

She smiled. "Thanks Nino."

* * *

Marinette laid on her bed, staring at the trap door up to her balcony.

"Marinette?" Tikki asked.

"It felt good," she whispered. "Punching him. Shouting at him. It felt good at the time. And even now...I'm not guilty about it. I can't find it in myself to be guilty about it."

Tikki was silent, though she curled up on Marinette's chest in a gesture of silent support.

"I...did I cross a line?" she asked aloud. "Did me telling him all that just hurt him more?"

There was a pause, before Tikki said, "I think you did the right thing."

"Really?"

Tikki floated up to her face and nodded. "I've been around for a long time, Marinette. There were many points in history where you would have been ruined for doing what you did. But standing your ground, and being honest, and setting boundaries? They are all good things. You have a right to your feelings, and I don't think anyone has made sure you know that in a long time."

Marinette gave a small smile. "Thanks Tikki."

"No problem."

* * *

Ladybug was seated near the top of the Eiffel Tower, farther up than any visitors could go.

Any visitors except for Chat Noir, of course.

"Ladybug."

She didn't look at him, didn't say a word, and so Chat Noir kept a reasonable amount of space between them as he sat down beside her.

"...I'm sorry," he said quietly.

She was silent for a long, tense moment, before finally speaking.

"I'm done with apologizing to you for not being interested," she said, her voice firm. "And I'm done with your unprofessional behavior. If you want to goof off as Chat Noir in your free time, that's fine. If you want to keep things lighthearted, that's fine. But if you are going to jeopardize our mission because I don't return your feelings, then we have a problem. I need to be able to trust you to have my back, but lately that's been feeling conditional."

Chat Noir nodded silently.

She finally faced him, making eye contact, and her blue eyes looked almost...desperate.

"I care about you, okay? I really care about you, and I will always have your back when you need me, but I can't be what you want from me and I need you to accept that. I need to know that being your friend is enough, because if not then I can't help you. I can't be your girlfriend and I can't be your lady. I can only be your friend and your partner."

She was...asking him, pleading with him to give up. In all his time focusing on how hurt he was, had he ever stopped to consider how he was hurting her? Had he ever considered the fact that he was making it seem like her friendship was worthless?

Ladybug's eyes were a crystal blue, and they were sad and scared and he realized that he had let her down.

Maybe this time he could get it right.

"Okay."

The tension seemed to drain fron her shoulders, and she gave him a soft, grateful smile. "Thank you, Chat Noir."

The silence after that wasn't so looming, as the two of them looked out over the city together.

And Chat decided that he could be content with this.

He had promised to always have her back, and so now he would keep that promise.

He would let it go.

**Author's Note:**

> I chose to have the akuma affect Adrien as Chat Noir because...honestly, the only way I can justify Adrien being an inverted colored Chat Noir akuma is if he was Chat Noir when akumatized, since Hawk Moth isn't super creative with akumatizing Miraculous users. 
> 
> Gabriel also doesn't know Chat Noir is Adrien because this story is based off the consequences of shit happening in canon, and in canon Gabe is a dumbass so as a consequence he realizes an hour later that he didn't even think to ask about Chat's identity/the Guardian/etc.
> 
> Okay, so this story, in the same realm as House of Cards, is a story meant to address a problem. While House of Cards focused on the civilian part of their lives, this was meant to be the hero part. Both stories address a character flaw of Adrien's, and both stories force Alya to think about the effects her blog can have and challenge her with ethical questions as the journalist she wants to be. I have yet to decide whether these stories exist in the same canon or not, though if they do then House of Cards comes first chronologically.
> 
> This was honestly a bit of a vent fic, sort of like all the Saltinette stories out there. I doubt canon will be so kind as to show Adrien improving or growing past this entitlement he has towards Ladybug, but I can dream can't I?
> 
> (Also, Tikki validating Marinette's feelings because _someone_ has to at this point.)
> 
> Hey, just letting you guys know that I am doing writing commissions now. You can find the information for them on my tumblr ([boopboopitydoop](https://boopboopitydoop.tumblr.com)) if you are interested. As a college student who recently had to delay looking for a job because she broke her foot, I could really use all the help I can get. 
> 
> Thanks guys, and have a good day!
> 
> Edit: So my version of Alya apparently knows about ethics in journalism while canon Alya is still unable to grasp basic privacy. Great.


End file.
